"What's the worst thing you've ever encountered?"
You asked me questions and I promised answers. So here we go.
1) How do you avoid the urge to run these people down where they stand?
Short answer: My parents raised me well.
As a matter of fact, I did give in to that urge once. I was down on Warehouse Street, which is a small stretch right in the center of town. It's got a couple of very popular bars and restaurants, frequented by locals. Rarely do you pick up people there that are from out of town.
Anyway, Warehouse Street is an original street from back when the city was founded. It is narrow, and it is paved with cobblestones. Add to the fact that the local joints like to put tables and chairs outside their doors so as to accommodate people during the summer, and you have yourself a nightmare from an automobile-perspective.
So I had just picked up a bunch of merry revelers, and we were about to drive to the nearest intersection. Sadly, there was a crowd gathered in front of the car. I did the usual crowd-dispersal routine:
1. Flash the headlights.
2. Rev the engine.
3. Emit a series of short, insistent honks through the horn.
The crowd dispersed, giving me sour looks all the way. I returned the looks with a huge grin and a waving hand. A couple of people gave me the finger, which I took as a sign that I was doing the right thing.
However, one girl refused to move. She was this tiny pixie, with a flowery dress and a sweet smile. I repeated the routine, but she would not budge.
So I edged the car closer and closer to her, showing her that I meant business. I was saying, in the limited language of a driver, that she should get out of the way, because I was not stopping. She replied, in the limited language of pedestrians, that I could keep on coming, because she wasn't moving.
Very well, I thought. The car closed in, centimeter by centimeter. It was the slowest game of chicken ever played. But just as I was about to hit the breaks and admit defeat, she bent forward, and lay down on the hood.
My customers gasped. I smiled. She had upped the stakes. I was happy to continue playing. So with this adorable faerie clinging to the hood, I slowly rolled all the way to Warehouse Street. Coming to the intersection I stopped. She let go of the hood, blew me a kiss, and wandered happily back to her friends on Warehouse Street.
I fell in love with her right then and there and I never saw her again.
2) What's the grossest thing you've ever had to clean off the inside of your cabs roof?
I've never had to clean anything off the inside of the roof. God help me the day I will have to.
3) How do you know Mama Crustaceaus?
Mama Crustaceous is a fine woman, a mean poker player, and has no tolerance for your bullshit. Leave it at that.
Read Part 2 Here